Well judging by the title, one might think I'm in a grumpy mood, but truthfully, that's not the case. I have been too far gone from myself in the last few months to even know my own mind, and I'm not sure why. I have been busy, and bummed and broke. Some of that isn't new, seems that I have spent most of my life broke, but then unless you're born with the silver spoon, you did too! I guess broke is a subjective thing, because we all look at it based on our own experience. To some broke is about being able to do whatever you want to do, and to other broke is about being able to eat, so in that respect I guess I'm just not happy with my ability to Purchase and provide amusements. I am working on clearing up some of my excess debt for two reasons, One is so that I may finally be able to work on getting my own domicile of some sort or another, be it an apartment, or finally building my house. The second is so that I can get some more Photographic equipment, to go towards living my dream of becoming a professional photographer.
The bummed I am certain has 2 reasons, one is my simple loneliness in the love department. Being alone is nice for many things but when you want to share stuff with someone and there is nobody around to do it with, .... Second, bummed is because I am in serious need of a vacation and yet I don't have the time and money to take one. I'm not even meaning a trip to Europe ( as much as I would LOVE to go) just getting out of state for a week would give me a GREAT new outlook on life. There is one other bummed too, but I think it's about my overall frustration with my situation. I have gained weight like a pregnant elephant! I have nearly put back on all that I lost last year. in fact in the last 2 months I have gained nearly 15 pounds alone. last weekend I finally got disgusted enough with myself, and I have lumbered back up on the wagon and I am monitoring my carb and overall caloric intake. So it's a daily struggle to get a handle on my crazy appetites and cravings.
I know that part of the frustration comes from being lonely, and another comes from lacking my own place. I think they are linked though because I don't have the privacy to bring someone home. Oh well....
