Wednesday, December 9, 2009

Motivationally speaking...

Motivation is an odd thing, as some people only need the smallest amount of motivation to tackle the largest projects, and then there are other people ( like me) who need HUGE amounts of motivation to tackle even medium sized projects. I have always wondered where some people get the drive they have to do the things that they do. Why torture your body to run a marathon? Why put your life at risk to climb to the top of Mt. Everest? The old saw, "because it's there," or "To prove that you can," are cute, but what do they really say? If I want to stand on top of Everest, I'm gonna find a WAY easier way of getting to the top, it's just my nature. Doing something hard has never been the thing that draws my attention, at least not physically hard, I do like a mental challenge. I have always been into puzzles, crossword, jumble, cryptograms, I live that kind of stuff, but I see it as keeping the mind sharp and the mind is what you need most when your body is beat up from running marathons and climbing mountains.

Obviously I bring up motivation, because I am looking for mine again. I am not sure what has cause me to lose my motivation for losing weight. I still want to get down, but for some reason I have lost my willpower and I seem to be on the verge of a binge every day. It's a fight, constantly to keep myself from just diving head first into a wheel barrel full of chips and dip, or skinny dipping in a pool full of big macs. The siren call of sugar is torturing my dreams and I don't know why. I am fighting a losing battle lately and It is really beginning to take it's toll. Chocolate, and hard candies, all manner of potatoes and breads just calling my name softly in my dreams. Sometime around the beginning of October, I binged out. I knew it was wrong and I did it anyways, and I have not recovered myself from it. I don't know why, and now the Holidays approach fast and furious, and I am sure to eat way too much of the wrong things for the next few weeks. Do I wait until New Years to Try again. Or do I simply take it day by day.

I know that I am a food addict, and that when it comes down to it, I am pretty powerless over food. The worst part of the whole thing is that My dad is now on a diabetic diet, and It would be the best thing for me to follow as well, because it is what works best for me to lose weight. I don't know why this is so hard for me.

I will search and see if I can find my motivation once again. I know it's here somewhere!

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