An end and a fresh start...

As 2011 comes to it's inevitable end, I have to take a few minutes and reflect on it, and what I have done, and what I will be doing in the future. Has this been a bad year? Nope, not at all. Yes, bad things have happened, but bad things happen every year, it's all a matter of degrees and how we decide to let them affect us.

The bad of 2011, I lost my Gramma Hubler. I loved her dearly, and family reunions will never be the same, but she is shed of her stress and pain, and I like to believe that she is where she expected to be. Maybe not the same place that I will end up, yet she was a woman of her convictions and I am sure that she made it.

Lost my job, got a new one, and then was let go from there for lack of work. Ok, pick myself up and move on. I could have gone back to work any number of times doing stuff that I hated doing, but I decided that it was time to do something that I wanted to do for a change. So, turned that around and now I am in school learning the trade that I wanted to learn 25 years ago. Refrigeration. Halfway through the course and I know I'm on the right road, because I am enjoying every day, and taking a few minutes here and there to help make the guys around me into better techs. Teaching tools and skills to guys who have very little experience in the field. After 30 years of working in various service industries, this is where I finally get to specialize and find my niche.

Been basically broke since I lost the second job, but at the same time I have managed to keep myself afloat with some photography. I still love taking pictures, and I still hope to make it a true livelihood someday, but for now I will continue to do it as a hobby. The goal is to use my newest skills to support the photography, and build me gear collection. Newer and better tools to let me use my talents to their limits.

Love is still something that I often feel is out of my grasp. I'm single, but always perpetually looking with wistful dreams at someone in my life. This year I have a focus, but I know that the time isn't right for her to feel the same way about me. If she ever will. I don't really care, I have become used to being on a one way street, going the wrong way. As I have said to myself and other people, what I care about most is that SHE finds happiness. I guess that's love too.

I still have a pile of friends, and people that I care about, and who seem to care about me. These are good things in my life. Family too, that supports my silliness, and encourages my creativity. I'm looking forward to seeing what the next chapter holds.

In 2012, I have some goals, I won't go so far as to call them resolutions, I don't have that kind of task commitment! Goal 1) is a decent job in the field that I am studying now. I would like to ultimately end up working in a commercial refrigeration company doing grocery stores, storage facilities and manufacturing process cooling, but for now, any job in the industry, to give me experience and a foothold is all I am shooting for.

Increasing my Photography skills, both in usage and in editing/enhancement. I want to get better at feeling how the lens will alter my own perception of a scene and making the adjustments to bring what I see into the picture. I want to capture more emotion, and keep finding better ways to show off the people that I shoot doing what they do best.

I would like to be out of debt by the end of 2012. I'm nearly there to be sure, and I have to keep from digging another hole. Some of this part is based on employment, but with full time employment at a decent wage, I should see the previous hole filled in and the shovel tamping it down before next fall. A long way off to be sure, but every week gets me a little bit closer!

On my health front, I really do need to get my weight under control and get rid of some of the excess. Not only to help keep myself out of the family diabetic circle, but also to help keep my joints and bones healthier. I seem to be pretty lucky to this point in my life, I haven't damaged much in my body other than skin, but being the size I am isn't good for so much of me, and I need to try and keep what I have in good working order!

That't about it for today, the end of the year, a few short hours away from 2012. I hope all of you who may read this have a great day, and an amazing year. Dream of good things, and then go make good things happen.

been a while...

Just looking at the date of the last couple of posts and I realize that I have not been content, yet I have also been very quiet. I'm not sure why I have been quiet, maybe it has been a general feeling of uselessness, or perhaps the need to vent has been largely taken up by Facebook. These Interwebs have a way of sucking me in from one page to another and before I know it my whole night has been wasted. Now the day has too! But I progress... yup that's right, I said the word I wanted!

So since my last post, for anyone who cares or mayhaps didn't know, I have been unemployed, re-employed, and re-unemployed. Now I am collecting some weekly benefits from the state as I get myself together to get me some new edumications. I've long wished to get into building maintenance, and I am going to get my state certification to make me much better hire-able in said field. Why Building maintenance, you may be asking yourself, and it's actually a kinda easy answer. First, I like the fact that it's a multidisciplinary field, I can be a plumber, an electrician, an HVAC tech, a carpenter, a safety tech, a painter, and a landscaper. I can do indoor and outdoor work in the same day. I'm not stuck to a machine and I can walk around. B) While I like being a machine technician, it is often a high stress job because there are constantly people harping on you about getting the machine running so they can meet some deadline or another. And Lastly), it's a job that should afford me some time to pursue my true interest which is Photography.

As for the photography, this spring I went and got my DBA, so I am considered a legit business. The next step of course is to get a tax number and start worrying about actually collecting and paying taxes, but please, baby steps. Besides, I need to be much better at math, and I'm not really. Have been taking pics though, and having a great time doing it. As with any business that depends on other people's input, sometimes waiting for customers to get back to me is the hard part. Elbow joggling and email stalking may become a part of my stock in trade. It's always interesting how people want the initial work ASAP, but then when it comes time to select the final product, they hem and haw forever. Oh well, I guess that's part of dealing with the general public. I need me a business manager, or at least someone who likes doing the business side of things. I'm SO much happier doing the creative part of the process. Practice helps, and the more practice that I get, the more confident I feel setting up shots with clients. I enjoy working with people, and trying to find that little bit of their soul that peeks out from their smiles. Sometimes it's not the easiest thing to do, because people can be really guarded, but when those moments show up, man, it's like magic.

Speaking of magic, I have that obsessive feeling again. There is someone in my life that I want to know better, and it is like pulling teeth to get close enough, or to get some time with her. She is definitely a busy lady, and I understand that, but at the same time if the universe would cooperate just a little bit, it would be nice. I know how my mind works, and maybe I'm seeing something that I want to see as opposed to what is really there, but I sense at least a little interest. While this isn't always in my favor, it is definitely in hers. Have I told you about my curse? Well, here it is, I have this odd thing in my life, where it seems that whenever I find a girl, (lady, woman, you choose!) who is actually interested in me, within a matter of weeks she will meet the guy whom she will end up marrying. To my knowledge only one of those couples is not still together, and I suspect that she wasn't as interested in me as she acted. That being said, I have been a little touchy about pursuing anyone that I am interested in, because it so often ends with me heart broken. Now I have found that one who fits my oh so persnickety tastes, and I just want the chance to try and woo her, and it seems like the roadblocks are starting to pop up left and right. It's funny how I came to be interested in this amazing lady, but at the same time it's truly an organic thing too, so I'm sort of trusting my senses here. Without being to specific since I don't want to embarrass anyone here, (besides myself, and what have I got to lose?) when I first met her I was not much attracted or interested, there were (are) a couple things about her are completely against everything that I believe in in my life. BUT, the funny thing is that as I got to know her through talking to her occasionally and listening to her family talk about her, I realized that she was way more than that first glimpse that I didn't care for, and when I had the chance to talk to her along the way, I found myself unexpectedly drawn to her. Now I would love to really try and win her over, and it seems like it's gonna be a chore. Well, you know what "they" say, if it's worth having, it's worth working for. I'm thinking that she is definitely worth working for. Time will tell. remember when you were a kid and you would do stuff that was gross to impress the opposite sex? Yup, I did it. I am not a huge fan of steamed clams but because she offered, I ate one. Felt like a little kid asked to eat worms, but you know what? For her, it was worth it! Now what? Guess I have to dig out my romance hat and see if it still fits. Been so long I'm not even sure if I remember where I stashed it!

have to answer...

So a friend of mine has a blog, and She wrote this post... (click the colored words to find the original post)


RE: Guess what, I know why people act like jerks.

Here's the comment that I tried to leave last night and ended up having to write all over again!! This time I am keeping it where I can find it until I know you will have a chance to see it.

In general I agree with much of what you have said, But I must argue with you about using Elvis as and example, not because I am any particular fan of the Big E, but because he never bought drugs from anyplace but a licensed pharmacist. You see, he never took a drug that wasn't prescribed by his physician. So while he was indeed drug addled and addicted, he was continually under a Dr.'s care and he never took anything that was considered to be an illegal drug. He was known to drink occasionally, but he wasn't a drunkard by any extant of the imagination, according to all that I have ever read about him. Now Instead of Elvis, lets talk about some real Icons of American Music, Johnny Cash, George Jones and Hank Williams, These men have well known and documented drug and drinking problems. One of them died before he ever had a chance to redeem himself, while the other two lived long enough to not only redeem their lives, but to go on and thrive in a clean life. Sadly, it is the state of Celebrity that they are given special treatment. The talented and the gifted will be allowed leeway that the general public would not, why? Perhaps it is the implicit understanding that with genius comes flaws, and a certain amount of eccentricity. But what about today's society and the 24 hour news cycle?

In a day when the media feels the need to fill 24 hours of the day with "news" they focus on things that are popular, rather than the things that really matter. Ratings are king, they sell eyes and ears, and they put up what draws eyes and ears. The more they can draw in, the more they can charge the advertisers. You of all people should know that. So when the world is falling apart and our hearts are tired of being wrenched by dead families in Japan and the Middle East, and the shock of flag draped coffins has lost it's zing, they jump right back into the celebrity "news" Charlie Sheen, Mel Gibson, and Lindsay Lohan, or whomever has done the new thing that is getting attention on TMZ. TMZ is the source for MSNBC, CNN and Fox News when it comes to that type of thing. The truth is that too many people in American actually take pride in the fact that they can't speak a second language, identify most foreign countries on a globe, or name their congressional representatives. These are things that actually matter, but they would much rather know who is driving in the race this weekend and what their standings are in the fantasy Baseball league. Is it any wonder that we elevate assholes?

A great author once said that the end of any great society is in sight when the people would rather have cake and circuses than worry about what happens in the halls of their government. We are at that point, and more and more people are becoming enamored with the circus, so the clowns will take center stage, and they are certainly the jerks of society.