Stalkers

No, I don't think I have ever had a stalker. It has occasionally been intimated that I may be a stalker, but as anyone who really knows me would tell you, I could never be a stalker. I just don't have the necessary task commitment.

First of all I'm lazy. A stalker needs to be a real go-getter. In order to be an efficient stalker, you need to be able to dig for small tidbits of information, you need to be able to spend hours digging through your quarry's trash to find things that you can use for tracking. You need to have dedication to sit in a tree for hours in the cold, wind or rain. Dedication is the hallmark of a stalker, that and mental instability.

Secondly, I don't have the financial independence needed to be a dedicated stalker. Anyone who truly wants to be a stalker needs to have a steady and solid financial base to use for the endless little things involved with good stalking. Listening devices, parabolic mikes and good image stabilizing binoculars are not cheap. What about plane tickets and other travel expenses? I mean, as anyone knows, one of the defining abilities of a good stalker is the ability to follow the target. No matter how that is accomplished, other than on foot, it takes money. If you wish to follow a tour bus, you need gas money, if you are following a jet-setting star, you're gonna need money for the first class tickets to keep an eye on the glitterati who will never fly coach. If you intend to follow them EVERYWHERE, your going to need a passport and visas and all sorts of paperwork that costs money. Nope, I sure can't afford to be a stalker.

Third, I just don't have the level of fandom that would cause me to be a stalker. Just can't see caring that much about someone that I have never met. Sure, I love Kelly Clarkson, but geez, she doesn't even know I exist, and she probably never will, so why would I spend a huge chunk of my life following her around? Or Catherine Zeta-Jones. Yeah, THAT's gonna happen! I can see them better on TV than I could at a red carpet event, so why go and get pushed around by security and trampled by a crowd of papparazzi, when I can sit safe and sound in my livingroom and see them just fine.

Lastly, why would I want a police record for stealing dirty panties or some stupid thing like that? Every stalker eventually gets caught doing something really warped. Breaking into the home of the prey and masturbating in their socks or using their shower, or setting up a shrine in their bedroom. Then the police find them and arrest them and they end up on TMZ looking like Nick Nolte after his DWI. Is that really the way that you want your crush to finally see you? With the bracelets on and the cops guiding you through the crowd of photographers? Come on! If you wanted to make a good first impression that was surely the way to go! They will never forget you, and the restraining order will always remind them!

Maybe a stalker can get lucky and their prey turns out to be just as loony as they are, (ala Britney Spears) and they hook up and have a few dates. It still ends badly when the prey gets sent to rehab and when they get sober they realize that your a freak and probably the reason they had to spend 90 days of their life locked in a padded room, then they kick you to the curb, with a new restraining order and most likely a lawsuit too!

Don't get me wrong, I am not commitment-phobic, I just have a better place to focus my commitments! And besides I don't want to be Commited! I don't fit a straight jacket so well, even though I suppose they make them in all sizes, I just don't wish to find out!

Am I a Geek?

I may be a nerd, and I am sure that I'm a freak, but could it be that I am also a geek? Man what a thought! I think that perhaps I am on my way to geekdom, but I still have some ways to travel.

I have been trying to figure out at just what point a nerd becomes a geek. I don't play video games, but on the other hand I can get into a very deep discussion about Science Fiction Characters and their impact on society through the interactions of their fans with the general population. Or the obvious faults in the time travel paradoxes presented in such movies as Back to the Future, Time Cop, and Butterfly Effect. Any Sci Fi fan worth their salt can tell you that they have set up so many multiverse cusp points that it would be nearly impossible to find the correct timeline without some sort of Anchor. So this is serious nerdom.

I love to play on the computer, but I have never had much luck in tinkering with the OS's or building any sort of programming. I work with a PC and I play with a Mac. Does this simple flexibility give me any Geek Cred? I am getting better at finding files that I need and putting them to use, but just today I tried to set up a little two computer network between my old Mac and my new one and I was not very successful. Oddly enough I can do a simple Bluetooth file transfer between machines, but setting up a teeny tiney network seems to be beyond my current knowledge. So I am thinking this is points deducted from Geekdom.

So where do my TV tastes put me? I watch the Sci Fi channel regularly and never miss an episode of Stargate: Atlantis ( which is nearly done!) , Battlestar Galactica, ( also nearly done), Eureka, Painkiller Jane, Flash Gordon, Dr. Who, and constant reruns of SG1 (Which I currently own 5 seasons of on DVD) . Other favorites include Numbers, Chuck and Heroes. I watch Enterprise when I can, and I have seen 98% of the episodes of TNG, and DS9. I got seperated from ST:V early on, but still occasionally try to see episodes that I have not previously seen. I watch Discovery and The History Channel whenever there is nothing else on. ( which sadly, is quite often) Mythbusters rule! I have vivid sexual fantasies about Kari Byron. I really want to see her Tattoos.

A smart chick turns me on faster than one with big tits. Granted I am more willing to approach the nice ass and see what she has to say, but if there is no brain I couldn't care less about the ass. Give me a girl that speaks four languages and likes to wander through art galleries and she already looks like a goddess to me. Of course there needs to be a certain asthetic to her as well, I mean I'm a fat guy and she can't be bigger than me. I admit to a small bit of shallowness, Hell, I am a guy after all, and I live with porno and American TV. I must say that My Ideal is probably a little bit different than the average, but then like I've said before, I'm a freak. Give me a hippy chick, nature girl any day. Miss Barbi Doll is never gonna be my ideal, but show me that little Raggedy Ann all dreadlocked and tiedyed and I am there. Geek, freak, or nerd?

I wonder where I fall in that interesting spectrum. Not that it really matters in the grand scheme of things, because I will continue to act and do as I like. But as all people I wonder occassionally where I fall in the categories of Humanity. Am I too studious to be a geek, but too adept at human interaction to be a nerd? Perhaps I am as I have always assumed, simply uncategorical. I will remain, as always, the single one of my kind, the exception that proves rule.