trying again...

Once again I am off and running on the weight loss trail. Heaven only knows how well I will do this time around, but I am trying again. Last year I didn't start until April, and I managed to lose close to 65 pounds before the summer was done. This year I am already working at it, albeit a little bit slower.

Sometime in October I tumbled off of my wagon and fell face first into a Large Pizza, it took a while for me to surface and swim through a few bowls of Nachos and pasta, but I have arrived back at shore, and now I am trying again. Immediately following Thanksgiving my pops was diagnosed with type 2 diabetes. Not really surprising since it runs in the family. He has changed his eating habits quite well, and as much of a pain in the ass it is for me, I am happy for him because he is improving his health. Why is it a pain in my ass? Because it seems that with his new regime of portion control and carb counting, he uses more dishes each day than any four people and I do the dishes around here. Secondly, it seems that no matter what I wanna make for my dinner, his comes first and I have to wait to use the kitchen. Pain in the ass. Oh Well.

Now for me, I have been trying to figure out what exactly it is that causes me to binge so uncontrollably, and I have come to the conclusion that I am, 1) an emotional eater, 2) an addictive eater, 3) a frustration eater and, 4) a social eater. I rarely eat just because I'm hungry, I do happen to eat when I am bored, and I put that under the frustration heading. I also never eat just until I'm full, or just have something in my tummy, I seem to gorge. I eat until I'm feeling stuffed like a bloated hippo. I guess it is because food never refuses my advances. No matter what I look like, what I think or what I have just done, food doesn't judge me, refuse me, or make me feel bad about myself. (While I am eating it, after words I may have a little guilt) So I eat because it's easy.

Easy is gonna kill me if I don't pay attention! The easy food is the worst food for me, and yet I can't seem to get enough of it most of the time. I have to start judging myself when I eat. Once again it is portion control and exercise that is going to help me through this. My goal is to lose 90 lbs. from my current weight. Today I stood on my shipping scale and I saw my weight at 310 lbs. That means when I am where I want to be, I should be somewhere in the 220 lb. neighborhood. I KNOW I can get there, but Man it is gonna take me some real work and discipline.

I'm up for the challenge, because it will make it a lot easier to take pictures, to sleep at night and maybe to find the love of my life. ( I could find the love now, but I want to be a better version of me before I do! )

Sizes....

Not the size of my.. never mind, I mean clothing sizes and food sizes! You have a dirty mind!!

Ok this comes up for a couple of reasons, first of all I just bought a brandy new pair of rollerblades. Yes, the fat boy loves to skate, but I haven't done it in a few years, one of the reasons is that I haven't had a good fitting pair of skates. So I went to the sporting good store and looked around, but I wasn't happy with what was there, and they didn't have any sizes in stock that would approach being a good fit. So I went online. Using the information that I had gained from looking in the store, and the charts on the website I found a style that I liked that was available in a size that should fit me. I ordered them. 125 bucks!! Yikes, but hey, I need the fitness that they can provide. Exercise is key to my losing weight. ( that and not eating as much! ) The skates arrive and I try them on, they seem a little bit snugger than I really wanted, but I guessed that maybe they needed to be to provide the proper support. I couldn't stay on my feet in them for more than 10 minutes. And after that initial pain set in, the interval dropped to about 5 minutes. So now I have to go through the trouble of sending them back and ordering the next size up. I hope these ones fit better, because it's the largest size available in that style. If these don't fit, I may have to find a specialty shop and make a few phone calls. Being a fat guy, I have fat feet, but I think that this size change should make the difference for me. I hope!

Why do sizes vary so much? My shoe size is truly a 10 wide, but in many cases there is no wide available, so I have to step up to a size 11 or sometimes even 12 to get the needed width. Is it so unreasonable to expect the availability of a descent size range? I can't possibly be the only person who has this problem. I mean as the American ass spreads, don't the feet spread too? They have to hold up so much more weight, it makes sense that they would need to be wider to disperse the forces of gravity! I mean, have you walked through a WalMart in the warm weather and seen the huge legs poking out of the stretchy shorts? Sure, you notice the fat-ass wedgies, but also that the shoes all look like their about to burst like a sausage on a grill trying to hold in a fat foot! You may also notice that most of them are Velcro closed too, but the fact that fat people can barely bend over long enough to tie their shoes is also beside the point! LOL Seems like other things have expanded with the population's guts, why not shoes and theater seats?

As I am losing weight I am looking towards buying some new pants. Maybe not a lot right away, but some at least, to get me through the transitional phases. Right now I'm down one size and about a half. So I am wearing stuff that I haven't been able to wear comfortably in well over a year. It's kinda nice, but it drives me nuts that I buy the same size pants from three different companies and they all fit different. I have one pair that the legs drag on the ground and the waist is almost a full size smaller than the same sized pair of Levi's. Oh well I guess I don't mind having the problem of finding a smaller pair of pants!! LOL

And what about McDonald's? A regular size french fries is now what was once called a large, and a large is a super-size, and what is now called super-size is enough fries to feed an entire family! what was once a "regular" is now considered a child size and is relegated to the Happy Meal. Have you seen one of those 64 oz coffee mugs that some of the donut chains are selling? 64 oz of coffee is more than the average home coffee pot can brew at one time!! Who needs that much coffee and why? That is a worse sign of addiction than needles and spoons! Good lord, it's no wonder people are peeing in odd places these days. When you see someone carrying around a grande coffee cup you know that they are gonna have to pee sooner rather than later and when the urge hits, there will be nothing stopping the flow! The super size soda bottles and cups from the burger joints are enough to weigh down an armored truck, and people drink the whole damn thing! I know, I used to be one of those people. It's killing them and they are happy to do it. Oh well, I'm not their babysitter. I will watch and comment.

Eat up, we need a few less people anyway!

Hunger

It is interesting what an American will think of as "hungry" as compared to the rest of the world.

Going to McDonald's and getting a regular fries and a cheeseburger, will leave most Americans feeling "hungry", but give that same meal to a kid from the streets of Buenos Aires and they will feel as if they have just had a banquet. What an American considers a meal for one, the rest of the world ( perhaps with the exception of England or Germany) would consider to be a family size buffett.

It comes up because while I have shed close to 20 pounds, by eating less and moving more, the hardest thing to stop is the after-dinner snacking. Especially when I sit at a desk right next to the kitchen while I am typing this. But I am continuing to remain strong. I had my dinner, a very reasonable one I might add, and now it is nearly 11 pm and my tummy is rumbling. Granted I did a lot of work after I had dinner. Beside walking, I also handled trash ( shop trash, boxes and boxes of it!) and mowed. Still have laundry to finish. Doesn't matter, no more eating after dinner. Holding strong.

I'm not really hungry, I just want to taste something and chew. And swallow. Why? Because my mind is not really occupied, and I am frustrated. But I gave up smoking and I can give this up too. I am tired of being a tub-o-lard, and this is how that finally ends!

Thank you for letting me rant, I will be doing some more from time to time until I have lost at least 100 pounds. Do you realize that by losing 100 pounds, I will still be heavier than my sister and brother combined? I topped out at 355 three weeks ago. Once I get below 275, I hope to never get over it again! It will take work. I'm up for it!!

Fat Boy...

And I'm not talking about the Harley!! I mean me and others like me. I am a Fat Boy. Been a fat boy most of my life from the time I started school and the teacher made me sit still and be quiet. I got the "sit still" part down pretty good and rather quickly, but the "be quiet" part not so much!! LOL As a kid my parents and grandparents taught me to try things. Meaning food! "Don't turn your nose up before you try it!" they would chide. So I tried it. I tried everything that came in front of me until I got old enough to understand that there are some things I just ain't puttin' in my face!

Between my dad and my grandfather I developed some seriously bad-for-me tastes. Heavy cream on cereal ( especially oatmeal!) I love grilled meat, and baked goods, pies, cakes, cookies and breads. I like to eat junkfood like nobody's business, and I am paying the price now in my mid-life. I learned not only to eat the stuff that tasted good, but to eat it in great volume. It was the worst thing I could have learned. My grandfather used to tell us, "Take all you want, but eat all you take, don't waste food!" I'm sure that much of that comes from growing up in the 1930's during The Great Depression, but it also came from growing up poor in general. My parents and grandparents always made huge meals, pot roasts and pastas and stews and soups, in quantities big enough to feed a small army. When I was around my cousins and uncles it was a matter of pride who could get the biggest portion and finish it... Not the brightest bulbs on the tree, I guess.

Cut to my teen years, and I have a job and money in my pocket. Now I can get the stuff that mom didn't have money to buy very often. I could stop at McDonald's any time I wanted to, and I often did. Then I discovered the places in the city that served the stuff that truly clogged the arteries, Garbage Plates! From Nick's and Mark's and The Princess. I found the nectar of the gods! To me anyway, as well as the steak subs and the meatball subs and the long simmered sausage and sauce from the from the great Italian restaurants in Rochester. Pasta galore and pizza from every joint in the city. I am happy to say that I'm not now nor have I ever been a big fan of chicken wings, but I have many other vices!

Not only was I an eater, but I found out very young that I was a power eater! I could pound back the food like nobody's business. I was 6 years old when I won my first food related bet. I was at a restaurant with my parents for some celebration or other and some of their friends were there. I wanted Spaghetti & Meatballs for dinner, and when dad asked how big the child's portion was, the waitress indicated a size that seemed way too small for my normal intake, so we opted for the adult portion. When it arrived it was huge! A pile of pasta at least 4 inches deep on a plate the size of a serving platter, covered in red sauce and with 6 gigantic meatballs arranged around the plate. My eyes lit up like spotlights! As I reached for the Parmesan, one of dad's buddies commented that I wouldn't be able to eat half of that pile. Dad laughed and so did I, so he bet me a dessert that I couldn't eat more than half. I ate the whole damn thing! In less than 30 minutes I had that huge platter of pasta tucked away in my belly. And then I had dessert! In school it became a source of pride the quantities of food I could eat. I would save my allowance so that I could get doubles and sometimes triples of my favorite lunch items. Pizza, sloppy joes, ravioli, toasted cheese w/ tomato soup. ( what was it about those toasted cheese sammiches? MAN, they were tasty!!) Tuna boats!! Did you ever have a tuna boat? They are simply a tuna sammich made in a hot dog roll. Simple and tasty and easy to handle, one day I ate 18 of them. I ended up in the nurses office. It was some time before I tried eating tuna again, and from that day forward it always gives me indigestion for a few hours. The canned corn that the school served? Swimming in butter and salty!! I loved that stuff and I used to get soup bowls of it. My personal "best" was eating 15 slices of school pizza when I was in 8th grade. My friends even bought me some when I ran out of money to see how many I could eat. Eating contests at McDonald's? You bet. A Friday night after a football game, and a bet .... One week it was cheeseburgers. 29 of them. Big Macs? 16 was my limit on them. French fries? 10 large orders ( what is a "regular" now. ) Each week it was something different, and I would take on the champ from the school that we had played the football game against. What was the food? As long as it was made at Micky D's, BK or Pizza Hut I was in for the challenge. I never lost in 6 years. 12 Whoppers, 32 BK regular burgers, 18 Quarter Pounders with cheese, 2-1/2 large pepperoni pizzas. 12 personal pan pizzas, 8 pounds of lasagna, or fettuchini, or spaghetti. I was never cowed, but I ate like one to be sure!

Now I pay that price for these poor habits and practices. No, believe it or not, I don't have diabetes or high cholesterol. I have the great good fortune to have good genes. Somehow I have a nice normal cholesterol level. My "good" cholesterol isn't as high as it should be, but still and all, the doc say that my arteries aren't clogging with plaque like some people. Along with the terrible habits, my fore bearers also gave me some good ones. I like veggies. Broccoli, Brussel spouts and cauliflower, I love 'em. I like squash and carrots and beans, green beans, lima beans, butter beans, and kidney beans. Black-eyed peas and snow peas and sweet peas. Sweet corn, and tomatoes, cucumbers and sweet peppers, hot peppers, jalapenos and habenaros too. Black olives, greek olives, and figs. Apples, oranges, lemons, limes and grapefruit. Grapes! Concords and green grapes too. I like my meat lean. I can't stand a fatty cut of meat. My dad and my grandpa used to eat the fatty stuff, and grandpa was the giblets fiend in the family. I never developed a taste for that stuff thankfully. He could have all the gizzards he wanted, I didn't like them in the least.

Old habits die hard. I quit smoking, 4 times now. The last time was nearly 2 years ago, and I'm glad to be done with it. As long as it lasts. I still have the urge, but I keep on fighting it. Now I have to change my eating habits. This is harder by far because you don't need to smoke to live, but you do need to eat! I have tried many, many ways of changing my eating habits, but there are a few things that seem to foil me over and over.

I love food. I have no other love in my life right now. The cupcakes and ho-hos never turn me down! Lay's is right, you can't eat just one! When I am traveling I always seem to end up in a drive through. I hate to waste food, so I eat the whole thing. Have you ever ordered the nachos at Applebee's? HUGE. Slowly I am working on changing my habits. No more big bowls of cereal for breakfast. No more 3 egg ham & cheese omelets. No more 4 slices of toast with peanut butter. No more 3 potatoes worth of hash browns. No more dozen pancakes with butter and syrup. My average breakfast now is a piece of fruit, a grapefruit or an apple and a small glass of juice. orange juice, maybe pineapple or cranberry. That's it. 6 days a week that is my breakfast. One day, usually Sunday, I may have something different.

I have eliminated soda-pop. No more Coke, Mt. Dew or Dr. Pepper. Diet or otherwise. The diet is even worse than the regular! I drink tea. I know the caffeine may not be the best for me, but it's calorie free and sugar free. I don't add sugar so it's the best I can do. Green teas and black teas.
I have dropped snacking to a bare minimum. I have one cookie or cracker product sometime between Breakfast and Lunch. Then I have the same thing between Lunch and dinner. No snacking after dinner. No ice cream, no cookies, no nuts or fruit. Dinner is the last thing I eat. At least that it the goal. Doesn't always work out, but I try dang hard. I am keeping a running tally of my week, hour by hour I am charting my habits trying to break the cycle.

Lunch is one old fashioned "normal" serving of something. Maybe a tuna sammich, or a wrap. A bowl of soup or a can of Chef Boyardee. Maybe a few crackers and some peanut butter, or some fruit. Fresh fruit or canned fruit in juice. No heavy syrup, lite syrup, or Splenda syrup.

Dinner is one serving of whatever is good that day. I like veggies, sauteed in olive oil. Perhaps a veggie omelet. Lean meat, or perhaps a piece or 2 of chicken. Skinless, but I do like the breaded stuff. Desert is immediately following dinner and it is small and light. If not immediately following, it doesn't get eaten. No dessert some days. After dinner I take a walk. 1/4 mile up hill and down. As the weather gets better, I will be able to ride my bike more often. Right now I ride for a little bit in the afternoon up the driveway and the road.

2 weeks in tomorrow. One inch and 6 pounds gone. I will be working hard at keeping myself from eating when I am bored. When I am lonely, when I am frustrated, when I am pissed. I crave food, but I am working on it!!! Wish me luck!

on greed and gluttony...

This subject from a fat guy who wants to win the lottery....

Thanksgiving is one of those holidays that I have some very mixed feelings about. I love the family get together, ( even though mine is very small in recent years ) and I love the food. Too much food though, and one truly feels compelled to "have a little of everything." Why? Simply put, out of politeness. In my family, each dish of the dinner is made from scratch by a professional chef who just happens to be my father. Occasionally there are additional dishes made with equal care and attention to detail from other family members, and to skip items, for anything other than moral standing ( meaning you can skip the meat if you're a vegetarian ) is to insult the cooks who have labored long and hard over each course of your meal. From the peeling of the potatoes, to the basting of the bird, from the cooking of the pumpkins to the kneading of the pie shells, it's all done for "You!" The afternoon sitting in the livingroom, the smells from the kitchen making the stomach growl in anticipation of the big meal. The table is set with the good Corelle ware, and silver. Dinner is served and The plates are loaded up. Take a little bit of everything, but some extra of your favorites, and my personal favorites are the dressing and the cranberries. ( whole cranberries cooked in a sweet jelly that is made with cherry brandy! yummy!) By the time the main meal is done it's gonna be a bit of work to have some dessert. But what's Turkey day without Punkin pie? It's tradition!

So why so many different foods for one dumbass holiday? If you can set a decent table and serve a complete meal, what more needs to be done? Why must we gorge to the point that we feel sick afterwards? ( thank you I haven't done this in a few years, I know what you were thinking!) Is this a holdover behavior from the days when it was truly possible to run out of food over a long winter and we were programmed to eat hearty when it was available so that we might fatten up for the hard weather? Or is it simply tradition to see who can gain the most "turkey weight"? I know many otherwise sensible people who will gorge on a thanksgiving meal until they can barely walk without pain. As a lifelong overeater, even I don't do that with anything other than lasagna. ( me and garfield!) I'm, of course, joking, I don't eat anything like that anymore, in fact it has been years since I ate so much of anything that I was in pain. Uncomfortable, yes, pain, no! SO the Gluttony precedes the greed of "Black Friday."

Do you know why it's called "Black Friday?" It's not about the feeling of doom that most retail employees feel for this day, rather it is about the color of ink that the management of retail store hope to be able to use in the ledgers at the end of the day. It is said ( and I really have trouble believing it) that while most retail establishments run in the red ( losing money) for the large part of the year, the 4 week stretch between Thanksgiving and Christmas bring the books into the black ( showing a profit ). If this is indeed the truth then it's a poor business model that they have been following. To depend on 4 weeks out of a year to bring your yearly sales into the black is insane. But it sure explains why they started pushing Christmas in September. Sad.

So that brings me to the real greed part of this thing, because on Black Friday this year a Wal-mart employee was trampled to death trying to control the crowd pushing through the door at opening. The full story is here. In the story an employee is quoted as saying that the crowd took the doors off of their hinges. This is stupidity at it's worst. The story even tells how these very same customers were refusing to leave the store when police closed it because of the death! Where is the sense of these people? The worst has finally happened, and now we have to see what comes of it. I think that store could be a little more cautious when advertising a "door buster" sale! Too many people take this a little too literally, but unfortunately the retail management has no morals and will continue to advertise such sales in hope of getting every descretionary dollar available from the public, as well as as many indescretionary dollars as possible too. Retail management has proven that they know this is a dangerous practice:

Hank Mullany, president of Wal-Mart's northeast division, said the company took extraordinary safety precautions.

"We expected a large crowd this morning and added additional internal security, additional third-party security, additional store associates and we worked closely with the Nassau County police," he said in a statement.

"We also erected barricades. Despite all of our precautions, this unfortunate event occurred."

I am about this close to opting out of Christmas. It has become far too gimme, gimme, gimme and lost it's love. As a person who is cursed with a December birthday I have a love hate relationship with Christmas to begin with, and this kind of things just makes it worse.

Now a pet peeve that has been on my mind a lot lately, GRAMMAR! the following is correct, "In an emergency...", while this is incorrect, "In a emergency...". The following is correct, "It would be a historic event." The following is incorrect, "It would be an historic event." If the word following the article begins with a vowel the article "an" is used, if the following word begins with a consonant the article "a" is used. A very simple rule that I have seen screwed up repeatedly of late and it is driving me insane!! ( and that's just a short walk to begin with. )