Peevish

One thing that drives me nuts is when people screw up their own language, especially when they do it thinking they are correct! I don't mind it when someone knows better and simply makes a point of mistakes, in a joking manner. Like when someone pronounces "scissors" as "skissors", or when they pronounce the "k" in knife, knee or knob, that is funny and obviously a purposeful mispronunciation . What drives my nutty however, is the misstatement of a normal everyday expression, and there is one in particular that has been bugging me lately and it seems to be getting worse.

For all of my life there has been an expression using an adjective, to express surprise, and the expression is, "All of a sudden..." Somewhere in the last few years I have noticed various people using the misstated expression, "All the sudden..." Apparently it began as the slight misstatement, "All of the sudden..." but somewhere along the line people began dropping the "of" from the expression and they have managed to bastardize an already bastardized expression! What the hell is wrong with saying it correctly? Drives me nuts!!

Now the other thing that I have been thinking about lately has to do with relationships. Specifically, how people treat each other in them. I have been noticing recently that many people in long term relationships treat each other quite poorly. It is odd to me how the behavior that we wouldn't tolerate in strangers, or even our friends, we let our "lovers" get away with regularly. We often let them walk over our feelings and treat us with near disdain, and disrespect. Yet, if the people that we called friend treated us with half of the same disrespect we would drop them from our lives and probably never talk to them again. However, when the person that we share our life with treats us this way, we give them chance after chance, and yet they do it over and over again. If you caught a friend lying to you on multiple occasions, you would walk away from them and find new friends. If you found your friends stealing from you, you would not remain friends for very long, still, time and again those that we "love" are allowed another chance. Stupid people. If you can't be friends with someone, how can you fall in love with them? I just don't get it!

Give and take...

Reading Facebook recently I have come across a lot of friends and acquaintances who are having trouble in their relationships, in some cases it is with new relationships, sometimes it's an old one. Sometimes it is a boyfriend or girlfriend, and sometimes the husband or wife, but whatever way it goes, it always seems to come down to honesty and communication. Somebody does something that they know they shouldn't be doing and then tries to cover it up, or lie about it outright. Here's a little something I have learned over the years....

If anyone wishes to have a strong and lasting relationship, they must first be honest with themselves about what they want and what they expect from their relationships. If you don't know what you want, or worse yet, don't know what you are bringing to a relationship, then you have a terrible chance of having a successful one. Unrealistic expectations are also another problem. The world is not a romantic comedy where you have witty repartee and funny arguments, make up and live happily ever after. Don't get me wrong there really can be a happy ever after, but this doesn't mean that you don't have to work at it and grow. Many people believe in the old adage that opposites attract, and in truth they do, but in general, they aren't good matches, the same as you don't wish to have a partner who is the exact same person as you are. So what works? Complementary couples.

No, I don't mean that you have to always compliment each other, ( but it sure doesn't hurt!) what I mean is you need to find someone who fills in your weaknesses. Are you great with faces and names, but not so good with jobs and families? You need a partner who remembers those types of details but may not be necessarily good with faces. You become a team with all the details covered. Are you great with people, but have trouble standing up for yourself when you need to be a little assertive? You need to find someone who knows your limits and is willing to stand up for you when you can't, yet won't take advantage of that very same weakness. Do you like to walk in nature and look at the birds and the trees, you need someone who likes to walk in nature and look at the flowers and the critters, this way you can both enjoy nature and you will see danger from above, while your partner will see the danger from below. This way you are a stronger pair than either of you would be alone.

Of course you need to have somethings in common too, you have to be comfortable with certain aspects of a relationship. Big ones, including sex, family structure, child rearing, if you differ greatly on these then your relationship is gonna be rocky. Sex is HUGE, because if one partner wants it all the time and the other would rather not, then sooner or later the unsatisfied partner is going to look someplace else to get what they aren't getting at home. Then they lie about it, usually. This is a place where honesty is extremely important, because being incompatible in the bedroom will never be a great relationship. So if your partner is a horny little dog, and you are happy with once a month, get it out in the open and get a grip on what this really is gonna mean. If you don't want to get it on with your partner, then be willing to let them get it someplace else with the understanding and agreement about safety and discretion. This seems like an odd thing, but think about it, without the agreement there is lying and sneaking around and when the truth comes out there is harsh words and hurt feelings and a huge emotional mess. If you were upfront in the beginning, you would have a much healthier relationship in the long run. And less stress. Sexual differences cause more stress in relationships than money or in-laws!

Family structure, who wears the pants? Who makes the BIG decisions, and how are they made? Do you work together or is one person in charge of the house and the other in charge of the vehicles? Do you decide you want something and then whine and wheedle until you get it? It really doesn't matter what your particular system is, as long as it works for BOTH of you. You have to agree on this set up, because if one feels like the other is taking advantage, or working against them, they are not happy and sooner or later it bubbles to the surface as anger and again, harsh words and hurt feelings. Hurt feeling do more to damage a relationship than any other single thing. As much as we are supposed to be able to forgive and forget , we get the first one, but the latter is much less likely. It gets filed away in the hurt bank and it builds interest and you can be sure that it will come back when it is least expected. Not good.

Child rearing is another big one. A child is smart, and they can quickly learn that if mom and dad don't agree then they can be played against each other. Discipline, responsibility, chores, grades, you name it and kids will figure out how to play parents against each other when their parents don't agree. A united front by parents gives kids a solid home and that is the best thing in the world for kids. And what is good for the kids is good for the parents too.

Life is hard enough and Love is even harder, and if you want it to work, you have to go into it with your eyes open, and contrary to popular belief, you have to keep your eyes open, and keep each other honest. Without the Honesty to yourself, you won't be honest with your partner, and eventually it will all fall apart. I have heard people say that in every relationship there is a reacher and a settler. Nobody should ever settle in a relationship. You will never be truly happy if you settle for what you think you can get. Don't be in a hurry and know yourself, then you will be able to find your second half, and the person who you can be truly happy with.

A surprise for Natalia...

Beautiful lady! You know I am thinking of you often, and I wish for you to be able to reach me directly anytime that you wish, so I am leaving my email address here for you today. troll@marksrv.com I would be very happy to hear from you much more often and to be able to write to you much more often as well. Please use it well. You may also use this to find me on Skype, which would be a great way for us to be able to talk.

Here is a picture that I took last night, of the sunset!

For Natalia,

I know that other people will read this, and that is fine, But this post if directed at one person in particular, the beautiful Natalia! I am happy to share everything with you, and for that reason I have this link to my other public gallery So that you may see more of my pictures. I hope that you will take a few minutes and perhaps you will sign up on Facebook and then we can talk much more often and not need to use the agency and their expensive services. I believe that you have enough command of English and I have enough of Russian that we will find our meanings no matter what. I will be looking for your messages very soon!

trying again...

Once again I am off and running on the weight loss trail. Heaven only knows how well I will do this time around, but I am trying again. Last year I didn't start until April, and I managed to lose close to 65 pounds before the summer was done. This year I am already working at it, albeit a little bit slower.

Sometime in October I tumbled off of my wagon and fell face first into a Large Pizza, it took a while for me to surface and swim through a few bowls of Nachos and pasta, but I have arrived back at shore, and now I am trying again. Immediately following Thanksgiving my pops was diagnosed with type 2 diabetes. Not really surprising since it runs in the family. He has changed his eating habits quite well, and as much of a pain in the ass it is for me, I am happy for him because he is improving his health. Why is it a pain in my ass? Because it seems that with his new regime of portion control and carb counting, he uses more dishes each day than any four people and I do the dishes around here. Secondly, it seems that no matter what I wanna make for my dinner, his comes first and I have to wait to use the kitchen. Pain in the ass. Oh Well.

Now for me, I have been trying to figure out what exactly it is that causes me to binge so uncontrollably, and I have come to the conclusion that I am, 1) an emotional eater, 2) an addictive eater, 3) a frustration eater and, 4) a social eater. I rarely eat just because I'm hungry, I do happen to eat when I am bored, and I put that under the frustration heading. I also never eat just until I'm full, or just have something in my tummy, I seem to gorge. I eat until I'm feeling stuffed like a bloated hippo. I guess it is because food never refuses my advances. No matter what I look like, what I think or what I have just done, food doesn't judge me, refuse me, or make me feel bad about myself. (While I am eating it, after words I may have a little guilt) So I eat because it's easy.

Easy is gonna kill me if I don't pay attention! The easy food is the worst food for me, and yet I can't seem to get enough of it most of the time. I have to start judging myself when I eat. Once again it is portion control and exercise that is going to help me through this. My goal is to lose 90 lbs. from my current weight. Today I stood on my shipping scale and I saw my weight at 310 lbs. That means when I am where I want to be, I should be somewhere in the 220 lb. neighborhood. I KNOW I can get there, but Man it is gonna take me some real work and discipline.

I'm up for the challenge, because it will make it a lot easier to take pictures, to sleep at night and maybe to find the love of my life. ( I could find the love now, but I want to be a better version of me before I do! )

Discovering my gift..

I don't know if it's true or not, but I have been told that I have a gift for photography. I don't see it so much as a gift, but rather a drive. I constantly feel the need to capture something that I see, in a way that will make it interesting. It doesn't always work, so I go out and see if I can do a better job with it. I don't really know if I will ever be completely satisfied with the results that I get.

I guess you could say that I am driven to do it better each time. Sometimes this means by getting better equipment, and sometimes it just means finding a new way to see it. One of the things that the professionals and the critics say consistently is, "see it differently". and what they mean is that if you can get an image of something in a way that hasn't been done before, then you have something interesting. One of the best examples of this would be the Eiffel Tower. How many different ways have you seen pictures of the Eiffel Tower? Daytime, nighttime, holidays, in the rain, in the sun, at sunrise, at sunset, from the top, from a plane, from a helicopter, from the bottom, in the snow..... and so on and so on. In the 100 or so years that the Eiffel Tower has been in existence, it has been SO photographed that it is nearly impossible to come up with a new way to get it. Reflected in a window? Yep. In the background of a cafe shot? You bet! Try as you may, you will not find a unique way to photograph the Eiffel Tower, however, simply finding a way that YOU like can be all it takes. Do you want to see it backlit with the setting sun? Then this will be your picture, perhaps you get the chance to see it when the clouds are so low that they obscure the top, then you have something that perhaps not many people have done. Truthfully, most unique picture opportunities came along by happenstance rather than good planning. The photojournalists who have managed to get those particularly memorable pictures were not the ones who planned the best, they just happened to be in the right place at the right time with their gear ready to go.

Sure they have a great body of work behind them ( or in many cases still to come), but the truly iconic pictures of the ages are just pure luck. The Execution on the streets of Vietnam, the photographer turned a corner and saw the interrogation happening, he lifted his camera just as the commander pulled his pistol and stuck it to the head of the saboteur. Dumb luck, and he has said so more than once. Sports shots? the guys catching the ball in the end zone, the perfect contact punch from ringside? All Luck. Yes, there is skill and practice in the way the camera was set and loaded and held, but you can have a million technically amazing shots in your files, but it is a fluke of timing to get the "perfect" picture.

I have been entering pictures in various contests this past year, and once I enter I then have to keep looking through the other entrants. Every contest seems to have at least a dozen or so pictures of certain iconic places in the world. If it is a nature, or outdoors geared contest, there is always the pictures of The Grand Canyon, Arches National Park, Yellowstone and Yosemite. I will not argue that these aren't awesome amazing pictures. Technically wonderful shots that show beauty and grandeur. They are also Common. Everyone with a camera gets something similar. I am just as guilty of submitting common shots, but I am trying very hard now to study the previous contests and the winner and to see if I can find something unique to submit. A common submission is a rainbow, usually from a rainstorm backed by the gunmetal gray storm clouds that spawned it. There is the occasional waterfall rainbow too, but I think I have found an interesting twist on the theme, I took a picture of a waterfall rainbow as it stretched over gorge wall covered in ice and snow. I don't recall seeing this particular style done before. Now I have done it! There are often various pictures of state and national parks, showing the big attractions, the waterfalls, the geysers, and the lakes, the trees or the wildlife, but what about the historic structures inside the park, in a way that they are rarely captured? Stone picnic tables in winter covered in snow and tree shadows. Something that isn't seen as often. It is built on spectacular colors or a once in a lifetime scene, but rather the way that it is, when nobody is around. People don't get to see this image, because they aren't there to see it. The question though is can I make that image compelling?

To show the tables in the snow is not really enough is it? How about a series of tables set in a tableau that makes them appear as steps on a hill? Covered in snow to resemble mushrooms? In the same place they are every day of the year, but surrounded by virgin snow? Does any of this make the image of something as mundane as picnic tables seem compelling? I hope it does, because it is what made it compelling for me!

In the end it comes down to who is looking at the picture and how it makes them feel. One day it may move them, and the next they may find it to be pedantic and a waste of time. That is the nature of art, what moves one person is nothing to the next, and yet we all keep trying.

Getting inspired...

I look at the blank page and wonder if I have a thought in my head. When I read the newspaper in the morning hundreds of ideas flood my brain, and If I could sit and write at that moment I would have a days worth of typing to accomplish, but after the working day is done, my mind is tired and the ideas have all faded away. I read the editorial page and I get incensed at the ignorance of the people who write to the editor, yet when I am ready to sit down and write my own piece, My brain is dead. Global warming Yep I have thougts. Terrorism? yep Got lots to say there, Politics in general, yeah I'm sure I could make a fool of myself, but when the TV is on, and my head isn't into concentrating.... No good will come of it!

So I will try again in a few days when I feel like concentrating, I can turn on some tunes and let my mind do what it wants to do!